South African Humour
(OK so these may not be politically correct and very
stereotypical - yet the fact is things in SA
are this bad, and often the only way of coping with the situation is to
laugh about it)
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You know you live in South Africa when: |
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| Adam
and Eve in SA English Adam & Eve are trapping around the Garden of Eden kaalgat. Eve checks this lekker apple and she skiems "nooit hey, I'm gonna graze it". Just then a moerse voice from above charfs her. "Leave the apple, or I will send an unimaginable plague upon the Earth." She kaks herself half stukkend and losses the apple. A bit later Adam is trapping along when he gooi's a sharp right and finds this apple. "Bliksem" he skiems. "Ah'm gonna chow this thing". Just then a moerse voice from above chirps him. "Leave the apple, or I will send an unimaginable plague upon the earth". "Ag nooit hey" he rekons, "I'm stukkend hungry" and he grazes it. That night he and Eve are in bed, when he hears a knock at the door. He pluks open the front door to hear: "Eh, sorry baaas, Em looking for a job......" ------------------------------------------------------------------ |
| The Ant and the
Grasshopper An ant and grasshopper lived in the same field. During summer the ant works all day and night bringing in supplies for the cold winter months ahead. Meanwhile, the grasshopper hops and sings, eats grass all he wants and procreates. Winter comes. It gets bitterly cold and the grass dies. The ant is well supplied and lives comfortably - but the grasshopper has not prepared for the winter and dies, leaving a whole horde of little grasshoppers without food or shelter. The moral of the story is that one should work hard to ensure your comfort and well-being. THE AFRICAN VERSION The above applies but because it now happens in Africa, there are a few complications. The starving offspring of the grasshopper demanded to know why the ant should be allowed to live comfortably while they have to endure such terrible conditions. A TV crew promptly arrives and broadcasts footage of the unfortunate grasshoppers contrasting this footage with that of the ant in his snug comfortable home. The public in the neighbouring fields are stunned by what they see. How can it be that the poor grasshoppers are suffering while the ant lives in the lap of luxury? In the blink of an eye the AGU (African Grasshoppers Union) is formed. They charge the ant with "species bias" and claim that grasshoppers are the victims of 30 million years of green oppression. They stage a protest in front of the ant's house and trash the street. When interviewed by the TV crew they state that if their demands are not met they will be forced into a life of crime. Just to make their point, they loot the TV crew's luggage and hijack their van. The TRC (Take and Redistribute Commission) justifies their behaviour by saying that this is the legacy of the ant's discrimination and oppression of the grasshoppers. They demand that the ant apologises to the grasshoppers and make amends for all the other ants in history that have done the same thing to grasshoppers. PAGAD (People Against Grasshoppers Abuse and Distress) states that they are starting a holy war against ants. The President appears on the 8 o'clock news guaranteeing aid for all grasshoppers that have been denied the prosperity by those who have benefited unfairly during the summer. THE GOVERNMENT drafts the EEGAD Act (Economic Equity for Greens and Disadvantaged) retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined heavily for failing to employ a proportionate number of green insects, and having nothing left to pay his income tax, his home is confiscated by the government for redistribution. The story ends as we see the grasshoppers finishing off the last of the ant's food while living in their new government house (which just happens to be the ant's old house) and the house also ends up crumbling around them due to their laziness and incompetence. The TV crew films the President standing before a group of wildly singing and dancing grasshoppers, announcing that a new era of "equality" has dawned on the field. The ant, meantime, is not allowed to work because, historically, he has benefited from he field. In his place, ten grasshoppers, who only work two hours a day, steal half of what they actually harvest. When winter comes again and not enough food has been stored, they strike and demand 150% wage increase so they can buy more food, which now has to be imported. The ant packs his things and migrates to another field, where he starts a highly successful food company and again becomes a millionaire by selling food to the grasshoppers in the field from where he came. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |