The Pentecostal Church and The Holy Ghost
Want You To Wear Pig Panties
During the crisis that was my Mother’s dating life, she
became involved with a man named Ron who was extremely religious. Ron was a
very devout member of the Pentecostal Church and longed for a family who
maintained similar views. Within seconds of uttering this desire to my
Mother, our entire family suddenly became firm believers in the Pentecostal
faith.
September 10th, 2007
violentacres.com
For the few of you who don’t know, Pentecostal’s believe in feminine
modesty. Women are strongly discouraged against wearing make-up, cutting
their hair, using deodorant or perfume, or donning a pair of pants. They are
also very adamant about accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior and
will give you a baptismal like it’s a free coupon for a box of scented dryer
sheets. But probably the most intriguing characteristic of those entrenched
in the Pentecostal faith is their tendency to speak in tongues. If you’ve
ever heard of someone described as a ‘holy roller,’ it is likely they were
talking about a Pentecostal.
I know this might be hard to believe, but my brother and I generally liked
being a part of the Pentecostal church. For one thing, the majority of the
parishioners refrained from using birth control, so there were always tons
of kids around for us to play with. For another thing, church was exciting.
Who needed a television set or video games when you could simply attend the
Wednesday night service?
Church services always started off quiet enough with the organ playing and
parishioners quietly whispering greetings and shaking hands. But among the
kids, there was a kind of electricity in the air. Half of the time, we could
barely contain ourselves. We knew that if things went well, it was likely
we’d see some crazy ass shit.
Reverend Bud would begin the sermon slowly and thoughtfully. He preached the
wonders of God’s love and the importance of attending Church regularly.
Although this was typically the most boring part of the night, we (the kids)
used the time wisely. We’d make faces at each other over the pews or give
random people the finger behind our Bibles. The purpose of our antics was to
simply keep ourselves occupied until the adults starting yelling, “Amen!”
and “Praise God!” It was at this point, we would swivel around in our seats
and keep our eyes glued to the front two pews. This is where the action
usually started.
When Reverend Bud’s preaching reached an end, the organs would suddenly
blare and everyone would hop to their feet. The singing and the clapping
would swell to a crescendo and the children would titter excitedly in their
seats. The fever and shouts of religious undulation would continue until the
crowd worked themselves into a literal frenzy and then…
…..THWAK!
Sister Ruth, an older woman with long silver hair, would collapse onto the
ground in the front row. Experiencing her own special brand of religious
ecstasy, Sister Ruth would wriggle and writhe on the Church floor until her
skirt hiked up over her hips to reveal her panties. Farm Animals. Sister
Ruth’s panties always had pictures of farm animals on them.
Of course, this was the jackpot the children were all waiting for. A small
tremor would vibrate through the crowd as the kindly children from the front
pews would whisper to the kids in the back exactly what farm animal
decorated Sister Ruth’s panties today. Sometimes, it was frogs. Every once
in a while, we’d see little blue lambs. Often, there would be kittens and
dogs and little yellow ducks. The single time we saw cows, we had to bury
our faces in our Bibles to hide the fact that we were laughing our asses
off.
At this point in the service, the adults would collectively lose their
fucking minds. They’d hop around in circles, screaming. They’d hysterically
cry and hold their arms up towards the heavens. They’d gyrate around on the
floor and speak in some unintelligible language: Bugga bugga boo! Oh, I love
you Jesus! Yada gabba doodle boo boo wak!
It was fucking awesome!
Life doesn’t get more exciting for a 10 year old kid than attending a
service in a Pentecostal Church. We went to Church every Monday, Wednesday,
and Friday night. On Sundays, we would be in Sunday school. On Saturday,
we’d attend Church picnics or other related events. It got to the point
where we were at Church more often than we were at home and we didn’t mind
one fucking bit. Not only were we surrounded by friends, but at any second,
there was a distinct possibility that someone would become possessed by the
good ol’ Holy Ghost and feel compelled to shout at the ceiling, “GABBA GABBA
GOOOOO!”
The Holy Ghost was so fucking cool. It made the adults look like idiots!
At one point, my Mother decided that I needed to be baptized. At first I was
a little nervous, but the other kids who had been previously baptized
assured me that it was no big deal. According to them, everyone would just
go down into the basement where they had this big bathtub/pool sort of thing
set up. Then Reverend Bud and I would go out into the middle of it, pray a
little, and then he’d duck me under real quick. When I came up out of the
water, I was supposed to hold my hands up and pray some more. Afterwards,
everyone would come over to hug me and congratulate me. Piece of cake.
The day of my baptismal went almost exactly like this, except the kids had
forgotten to relay to me one very pertinent piece of information: the water
in the tub was fucking freezing. When I came up out of the water, hands
obediently raised in the air, my teeth were chattering from the cold. The
tub was also under a vent and the air conditioning was on full blast, so
when the breeze hit me, my entire body started shivering uncontrollably.
“Look!” someone finally yelled, “V has got the Holy Ghost!”
I didn’t have the Holy Ghost. I was just fucking cold, but such a jubilant
cheer burst forth from the crowd that I felt I had no choice but to go with
it.
“GABBA GABBA GOOO,” I hollered tentatively, “BA BA BOOGA BOOO!”
The crowd went nuts! People start dancing around in circles and thanking God
Almighty for giving me the Holy Ghost. A few women collapsed by the front of
the pool, weeping with joy. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed my
friends pumping their fists, laughing, and egging me on.
“WACKA WACKA DOO! OH ME OH MI!” I screamed some more.
Reverend Bud’s voice vibrated through the room of parishioners as he
demanded that everyone take heed of the miracle they were witnessing. On
cue, I screamed some more gibberish. At one point, I think I accidentally
chanted the word ‘Nigger’ once or twice, but no one cared. After all, I was
speaking God’s language.
Eventually, things died down and I was free to escape into the playroom with
the other kids.
“That was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen!” they insisted.
“You forgot to tell me the water was so cold!” I laughed.
“Oh, but too bad for you! You missed Sister Ruth’s panties!”
“What were they this time?”
“Pigs!” they chortled, “Sister Ruth wore pig panties to your baptismal!”
“Goddammit,” I pouted, “I guess when you’ve got the Holy Ghost, you miss all
the fun.”
Business Owners, Customers Upset Over Controversial Billboard
It looked harmless enough, but the words on a billboard
unnerved so many people that a popular restaurant nearby actually lost
business.
Story from WFTV in ORANGE COUNTY, Florida, May 2008
The billboard was on Colonial Drive near Old Cheney Highway.Although the popular Straub’s Seafood restaurant often advertises on
it, it wasn’t their billboard. The sign was taken down after Channel 9
started asking questions.The billboard came down
around 4:00 Friday afternoon and nearby business owners are relieved.
Straub’s Restaurant can replace the sign with the night’s specials.At first glance, the sign looked like a children’s cartoon, but the
message next to the fairy princess stirred emotions.“When you condemn all religions and say they are a fairytale, that is
wrong,” said Rich Stormes, a nearby business owner. The billboard went up a
week before Easter and business at the restaurant went down.“Easter Sunday is usually a busy good day,” said John Russel, an
employee at Straub’s. “Easter Sunday business was down by two-thirds.”Since the sign is so close, John Russel’s customers thought the
restaurant paid for the billboard. To clear any confusion up, Russel put up
a sign of his own and called MediaNet, the company who owns the billboard.“It’s been causing us some problems. I think it’s causing a bit of
controversy city-wide. People have been contacting the media,” Russel added.MediaNet said it had no idea the sign was there and someone put it up
illegally in the middle of the night. Nearby business owners said they
weren’t buying it.They should have known what was
going up on the billboard. He should proof it. He had to proof it,” Stormes
stated.The billboard rents for $1,400 a month. If
an anti-religious group paid to rent it legitimately, there is no telling
how long it would have been up.Orange County does
not regulate messages on billboards. They are protected by free speech.
Was Moses high on Sinai?
The biblical Moses may have been "high" at Mount Sinai, an
Israeli researcher posited.
Benny Shanon, a professor of cognitive psychology at the Hebrew University
of Jerusalem, has argued that the miraculous sights and sounds in the Exodus
account of God's giving of the Torah to Moses may have been drug induced.
Shanon, who published his theory in the scholarly journal Time and Mind,
said the Mount Sinai spectacle recalled a "trip" he experienced after
drinking psychotropic drugs of a kind that can be found in some desert
plants.
"I experienced visions that had spiritual-religious connotations," Ha'aretz
quoted Shanon as saying. "It seems logical that something was altered in
people's consciousness. There are other stories in the Bible that mention
the use of plants: for example, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil
in the
Garden of Eden."
But he added, "I have no direct proof of this interpretation."
According to Shanon, the drug theory is more feasible than other
explanations for the Mount Sinai story -- that indeed the Israelites
communicated with God -- or that it is all just a fairy tale.
One of the world's last surviving cargo cults is celebrating
its official 50th anniversary on Tanna island in Vanuatu.
BBC Online
17 Feb 2007
The John Frum Movement worships a mysterious spirit that urged them to
reject the teachings of the Church and maintain their traditional customs.
The cult was reinforced during WWII, when US forces landed with huge amounts
of cargo - weapons, food and medicine.
Villagers believe the spirit of John Frum sent the US military to their
South Pacific home to help them.
Devotees say that an apparition of John Frum first appeared before tribal
elders in the 1930s.
He urged them to rebel against the aggressive teachings of Christian
missionaries and instead said they should put their faith in their own
customs.
Stars and Stripes
World War II and the arrival of American troops on Vanuatu was a turning
point for the John Frum Movement.
Villagers believe that their messiah was responsible for sending the
generous US military and its cargo to them.
Speaking in local pidgin, the movement's head, Chief Isaac Wan, said that
John Frum was a god who would one day return. He's "our God, our Jesus," he
said.
Islanders are convinced that John Frum was an American. Every year they
parade in home-made US army uniforms beneath the Stars and Stripes.
They hope one day to entice another delivery of cargo.
This 50th anniversary marks the formal establishment of the John Frum
Movement.
It also recognises the day when villagers raised the American flag for the
first time in this isolated corner of the South Pacific.
There are ten types of filth and impurities: urine, faeces, semen, carrion,
blood of carrion, dogs, pigs, disbelievers
(Text being taught at The Hawza Ilmiyya Islamic school, Willesden, London.
From: The Times, Apr 20, 2006)
CARTOON SHOW MAKES A FABULOUSLY FUNNY STAND FOR FREE
SPEECH - The American cartoon series South Park is
defying the increasing demands from religious groups that they should not be
mocked or ridiculed. Now, the Norwegian Society of Heathens is so outraged
that episodes of South Park featuring a satire on the Catholic Church and
one on Scientology have been banned that they have made them available
on-line. You can download them here:
http://www.hedning.no/
But even if the Catholicsand the Scientologists
don't like South Park, it hasn't stopped the show winning the Peabody Award
for excellence in broadcasting. The judgespraised
the series, saying it "pushes all the buttons, turns up the heat and
shatters every taboo." As one fan wrote: "South Park may be raunchy and
tasteless, but it has become the bravest voice for freedom and common sense
in modern entertainment." - Secularism.org.uk
Read WHAT REALLY HAPPENED
with the Danish Islamic cartoons,
and who deviously and dishonestly
planned the entire debacle!
Why have the media outlets been silent
about this??
Spineless cowards!
