| Also feeling pity for Di Maggio is his former girlfriend Shellie
('I've-lost-all-sense-of-humour')
Pullford, a
holistic and homeopathic healer who earns a living selling tonics and
medicines diluted to one molecule per gallon in the belief that the water
"remembers" the curative properties of the medication.
"Don't get me wrong—logic and reason have their place,"
Pullford said.
"But Mario fails to recognize the danger of going too far with medical
common sense to the exclusion of alternative New Age remedies like chakra
cleansing and energy-field realignment."
Ex co-worker Mannesley said he had tried repeatedly to pull Di Maggio back from the
precipice of lucidity.
"I admit, science might be great for curing diseases, exploring Space,
cataloguing the natural phenomena of our world, saving endangered species,
extending the human lifespan, and enriching the quality of that life,"
Annesley said. "But at the end of the day, science has nothing to tell us
about what God's greater purpose is, and that's a critical thing Mario is missing. I
would hate for his life to be lost forever because of a stubborn doubt
over the actual existence of God."
Bettina Braun, a lifelong astrology devotee, blamed Di Maggio's lack of
faith on an accident of birth.
"Mario can't entirely help himself, being a Gemini," Braun said.
"Geminis are always very sceptical and destined to feel pain throughout
life as a result of their closed-mindedness. If you try to introduce Mario
to anything even remotely made-up, he starts going off about 'evidence
this' and 'proof that.' If only the poor man were open-minded enough to
stop attacking everything with his brain and just once look into his
heart, he'd find all the proof he needed. But, sadly, he's unable to let
even a little bit of imagination drive his core beliefs."
Perhaps the person who pities Di Maggio most is his brother
Nike, a
practicing full-time Jehovah's Witness minister since 1986.
"It's bad enough for someone
to have the nerve to reject religion in
spite of its tremendous popularity," Nike said. "But Mario
used to be a Jehovah's Witness and deeply understands
our teachings." With deep-felt sincerity Nike continues, "Despite Mario's
actions, the Watchtower Society will
continue trying to free people from the crippling yoke of common sense,
even attempting to unshackle
other sceptics like
Mario from the chains of century after century of
verifiable scientific precedent."
"I realize that Mario seems very happy with his narrow little
common-sense-based worldview," Nike continued, "but when you think of all
the overwhelmingly pleasant beliefs that are excluded by that way of thinking, you
have to feel kind of sad."

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