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Whatever turns them on? Inside the minds of the sadomasochists

The bondage community hopes Max Mosley's lawsuit will stop them being seen as perverts on the fringe of society

Sunday July 13, 2008
Observer

Max Mosley, the son of the fascist leader Sir Oswald, father of two, husband to Jean of 48 years and Formula 1 eminence grise, has a new role: unlikely poster boy for Britain's BDSM community.
For the uninitiated, BDSM stands for 'Bondage, Discipline and Sadomasochism', a clumsy umbrella term for a vast range of sexual practices usually dismissed under the generic label 'kinky'.

Its enthusiasts complain they are stigmatised by society to the point that some of their activities, while consensual, can see them sent to prison. Worse, according to many on the scene, is the way their activities, which usually feature the use of restraints, whips and role-play involving positions of power, are chronically misunderstood by wider society. Armchair psychologists dismiss BDSM as an unnatural, unhealthy desire for humiliation, while much of the general public regard its practitioners as perverts.

But the high-profile reporting of Mosley's participation in a sadomasochistic orgy with five prostitutes in a Chelsea flat, with, according to the News of the World, a Nazi theme, has given the BDSM community the chance to come out of its dungeons.

'This trial is a good thing,' said Deborah Hyde, spokeswoman for Backlash, which campaigns for BDSM rights. 'We're finally getting the chance to talk to the media, who have ignored us for years. In Max Mosley we've got a man who says: "This is who I am." He's got expensive lawyers who can fight his case, but many others end up being dragged through the family courts or in front of their employers. In Mosley, we have someone who is fighting our corner.'

It's probably fair to say that Mosley, 67, was not intent on championing a sexual subculture when he launched his invasion of privacy action over the paper's publication in April of his predilection for S&M.

Nor is it likely that the multimillionaire president of the Federation Internationale de L'Automobile, Formula 1's governing body, intended to start a national debate about what the French have for centuries dismissed as 'the English disease'. But Mosley's high-profile case, apart from providing one of the most titillating legal actions in recent history, may one day be seen as a watershed in the history of Britain's sexual mores, say those in the BDSM community.

'BDSM is increasingly recognised as a sexuality, like homosexuality,' said Hyde. 'Yet, despite this, it is illegal to practise certain S&M activities.' Indeed, many people may not know that they are breaking the law in their own bedrooms.

Technically, it is illegal for a person to engage in S&M activities that leave a lasting mark on someone else's body - as in the case of Mosley whose buttocks bled after being caned by one of the women involved in the orgy, a prostitute who went by the exotic monicker 'Mistress Switch'. This - the raw and, arguably, illegal state of Mosley's buttocks following his thrashing - is one reason the News of the World is attempting to justify its story as being in the public interest, but lawyers admit the definition of what constitutes a lasting mark is open to interpretation.

'If you drag your fingernails down someone's back and draw blood, you are breaking the law,' said John Lovatt, a solicitor who advises the Spanner Trust, a group set up to defend the rights of sadomasochists. 'If you leave a mark on someone, it's really anyone's guess.'

There have been at least four prosecutions of S&M practitioners in the UK since 1990, the most high-profile being the Spanner Case - which spawned the Spanner trust - when five men were jailed for giving each other consensual beatings, lacerations and genital abrasions. The case caused a furore and prompted calls for a change in the law.

The 'hardcore' element of the BDSM scene is practised only by a tiny minority, according to its supporters. 'The S&M element of the scene is much more about getting an endorphin high,' said Hyde. 'People get high from giving and receiving pain.' They also deny the popular belief that the world of S&M is split into two camps: 'subs' (submissives) and 'doms' (dominators). 'You find all sorts,' Hyde said. 'Many people enjoy both.'

Certainly Mosley does, or at least did. When not being whipped by prostitutes, some of whom were wearing German military outfits, he enjoyed spanking them with leather straps while barking orders in German, a language, he claims, felt suitably 'bossy' for the role. After an epic five-hour session Mosley and the prostitutes relaxed with a cup of tea.

The internet has played its part in promoting what was once a very underground scene. Inevitably, retail has followed the cultural shift and aspects of the BDSM scene have migrated to the High Street. Ann Summers, the chain of high-street sex shops, says its Bondage Starter Kits are one of its most popular products, selling in their hundreds every week. 'They are a great way of introducing the starter to the softer aspect of bondage,' according to a spokeswoman for the chain. At the start of the year, Ann Summers extended its popular cuffs range with fur ankle cuffs and under-bed restraints. An Ann Summers dominatrix kit, due out in September, includes a whip, blindfold and cuffs.

The growing desire to engage in aspects of BDSM is part of a wider trend, according to those at the vanguard. 'People are exploring more,' said Tuppy Owens, chair of the Sexual Freedom Coalition. 'Women aren't prepared to put up with a crap sex life any longer and men are exploring their inner self more.'

Owens believes the emergence of BDSM is the result of a society's increasingly nuanced approach to sex. 'It's a very sophisticated form of sex play because it involves complete trust in other people,' she said.

Owens claims the bondage scene became popular in the early 1990s as women developed a greater sense of confidence. 'Women could get dressed up in really sexy corsets and leather and be in control,' Owens said. 'They could be goddesses and men would fall at their feet.' Today, Owens claims, no town is without some form of BDSM club.

But, as with all sexual predilections, some can end up being damaged by their desires. For a small segment of the population, S&M has ceased to be about empowerment or even pleasure. The Portman Clinic, a specialist psychotherapy unit that treats people with sexual problems, regularly sees those for whom S&M has become a worrying addiction.

The patients, many of whom have suffered emotional difficulties in childhood due to parental deprivation, misunderstanding or repeated experiences of emotional humiliation, have often become alarmed about how their S&M acts have ended up consuming them.

'The people we tend to see are those for whom the practices are a problem either because they sense they are taking over their lives or because it comes to a point when these activities frighten them,' said Carlos Fishman, a consultant at the clinic. 'Those who engage in sadomasochistic activities want, in an unconscious and silent way, to control and dominate the other, so as to manage feelings of intense anxiety. People who engage in sadomasochistic acts can't tolerate mental pain. They replace mental pain with physical pain and in so doing feel triumphant over emotional suffering. They find it difficult to tolerate sadness, hurt, rejection, and other ordinary painful human feelings, and rid themselves of them by inflicting them, so to speak, on the body of the "other".'

Those who seek help from the Portman Clinic are told there is no easy cure. 'We tell our patients it takes years rather than months,' Fishman said.

Mosley makes no apologies. 'I've been doing [S&M] for 45 years and there's never been the slightest hint of that coming out,' he said last week. 'If it hadn't been for bribery and illegal acts, this wouldn't have come out.'


Different strokes: Bondage toys and moves

Abrasion Any form of sensation play involving stroking or brushing the skin with rough, textured objects such as sandpaper.

Ball gag A gag consisting of a ball, usually rubber, which is attached to a strap. The ball is placed in the mouth and the strap is placed around the head to hold it in place.

Catherine's wheel A large, upright wheel, usually made of wood, to which a person may be bound and then rotated to any position.

Electrical play Any of a variety of different practices involving the use of electrical current or electricity to stimulate a person.

Frog tie A specific form of bondage in which one person kneels and their ankles are bound to the thighs.

Pony play An activity in which the submissive takes on the role of a pony; for example, by walking on all fours, sometimes wearing a bridle.

Top One who administers some form of stimulation, but does not have psychological control or power over that person.

Zip strip: An arrangement of clothes pegs along a length of cord or twine, which can be clipped on the body and then yanked off one by one or all at once.

· Extracted from xeromag.com
 
Crime and punishment

Max Mosley is suing the News of the World for saying he took part in a Nazi-themed orgy. As part of his defence, he has admitted his 'unfortunate interest' in sadomasochism. His barrister claims it's 'harmless and private, and even funny'. Is it? Emine Saner reports

Emine Saner
Wednesday July 9, 2008
Guardian

Even by the usual standards of British sex scandals, this one is quite something. In March, the News of the World filmed Max Mosley, the president of formula one's governing body, the FIA, being whipped by several women in a prison-guard scenario - video footage of what Mosley has since described as his "unfortunate interest". The News of the World alleged that the video had Nazi overtones - that the women spoke to him in German and were pretending to be concentration camp guards. Mosley, the son of the British fascist leader Oswald, denies this. He says that it was a private party with consenting women and this week launched a case against the News of the World, saying that its stories were not, as it claims, in the public interest and had violated his privacy. "I've been doing [S&M] for 45 years and ... if it hadn't been for bribery and illegal acts, this wouldn't have come out," said Mosley, who added that he had kept his activity from his wife.
One of the things to have come out in court was Mosley's defence that his interest in S&M was not degrading or sick, and that the News of the World was out of touch. James Price, Mosley's QC, said: "It's not a surprise to me or to others who don't live in an ivory tower or a monastery, or, I am sure, to your lordship, to learn that quite a lot of people, men and women, have a fascinated interest in this sort of thing."

Nobody knows how many people engage in BDSM - the acronym for Bondage Domination Sadomasochism - but it is estimated that 14% of men and 11% of women have tried it. There are a huge number of BDSM websites, with everything from sites giving advice and instructions, to personal ads, to online groups where people arrange to meet. Next month, for instance, Unfettered, a voluntary group set up four years ago to run educational workshops and promote and defend BDSM, hosts Kinkfest in London, "a whole day of non-stop salacious stage entertainment, fantastic stalls, wicked workshops, superb speeches and special guests". Is everyone at it?

"I think there are people who wouldn't consider themselves practitioners of BDSM but who have experimented with tying themselves up with a dressing-gown cord or done a little bit of spanking here and there," says Pamela Stephenson Connolly, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist. "It comes up all the time in my work and people understand that what they're doing is playing out a form of BDSM. If the rules are observed, it is a perfectly reasonable part of the very broad tapestry of normal human sexuality."

Stephenson Connolly recently carried out a study of 132 BDSM participants to try to find out whether there was more prevalence of clinical disorders, such as depression, anxiety or psychological sadomasochism among those who practised BDSM. "The answer I found was no," she says. "Most of the assumptions that my profession has made about people who participate in BDSM is that there must be something wrong with them, but I didn't find that at all. What I did find is that the credo in the BDSM movement - and I'm not talking about people who don't know what they are doing - is 'safe, sane and consensual'. People would discuss what was about to occur, and talk about their limitations. I discovered tremendous detail in how it is played and anyone who doesn't obey the rules is kicked out of the community and nobody will play with them again. People are very anxious to ensure that consent takes place."

Psychologist David Mirich and sex therapist Neil Cannon have been conducting a major study into sadomasochism in the US, and believe that BDSM behaviours are much more common than is popularly thought. As Cannon says, "there are many people who have used a silk scarf to tie up someone's hands, or used a feather to tickle someone, or pulled their partner's hair - you see references on TV and in magazines to 'rough sex', but I don't think that the people involved see themselves as participating in anything that could be called sadomasochistic". The reason that we don't hear more about this, they say, is that "even with a great friend or a psychologist, people are very hesitant to talk about their inner sexual world".

Mirich has studied about 220 BDSMers and says that he "was fascinated by this historical and popular assumption that these individuals were traumatised in some form or fashion in their early childhood ... What I found was that most of them would tell me that, no, they were pretty much in an idyllic family situation as a child, that there was no sexual and physical abuse - in fact, there was no spanking."

I speak to a man known as Sir Guy (who is not really knighted), who has been involved in the BDSM scene for more than 20 years and is following the Mosley case with interest. He says that BDSM has gradually started to gain acceptance in the mainstream, and that he now has "thousands of inquiries and hundreds of people come to events ... It's mainly middle-aged, middle-class, middle-income people. Almost all are professionals - we have engineers, doctors, nurses, teachers, solicitors, accountants. There are a couple I know, both primary school teachers, who like spanking. It's Middle England, very, very normal and well-adjusted. We get the odd wild-eyed person, but we weed them out early."

This all seems positively tame compared to what other people seem to get up to. Unfettered has advertised workshops on "needle and medical play" where, among other things, female and male catheterisation is demonstrated. The advert reads a bit like a Women's Institute newsletter advertising a flower-arranging course. "If there is time," it reads, "Mistress Demonic will also run a short skin stapling demo as well."

"We live in a world," says Susanna Abse, the director of the Tavistock Centre for couple relationships, "where there is a wish to normalise such things." More and more people, she says, are prepared to experiment sexually, and are being encouraged to do so. "We need to ask ourselves questions: what is perverse?" she says. "Does the ordinary man in the street think this is 'normal'? I don't think we're having enough of a debate about what we think might be linked to some level of distress rather than sexual choice.

"In a way, what people do in the privacy of their own bedroom is absolutely fine. In fact, we might understand S&M as a sensible way of containing very strong feelings, such as aggression, if it's consensual. But, on the other hand, there's another kind of S&M that exploits other people, or makes people feel very disconnected from their experiences, where the relationship has broken down because of the activities, or where people feel betrayed." What is important, Abse argues, is not the activity itself, but, "what feelings are these activities managing? Does it represent some level of distress in the person?"

If BDSM is becoming more popular, you can blame the internet. "You name a fetish and there will be an online group or a website for it," says Derek Cohen, chair of the Spanner Trust, an organisation "to defend the rights of sadomasochists". "I'm gay and when I was growing up, there was no gay visibility and you felt like you were on your own and there was nobody around like you." It was the same for people into BDSM, he says. "Now, if you're into getting excited by people popping balloons - and I'm serious, there are people who are into that - you will find like-minded people. And you can actually make dates with people and go and play. The community aspect makes it safer because the people are known. If someone is going to cane me, do they know when to stop, do they understand hygiene issues, do other people know them, for instance?"

Is BDSM is becoming more popular? "It's hard to say," says Cohen. "I think it is becoming more evident in mainstream media and becoming more acceptable in a titillating way. You see big billboard adverts of women in leather.

I think that is bound to encourage more people to feel happier about the fact they have those desires and want to act them out. We are much more accepting of the diversity of people's sexuality generally, although there still is a lot of disapproval about BDSM."

Perhaps it's because many people can't understand the point of it. I ask him to explain. "There are two sides to it - a physical side and an emotional side," he replies. "I would say 10%-15% of the population find the idea of power and control quite exciting, whether that's being tied up or being told what to do - a lot of people like that. A lot of people have fantasy sex - it's a way of escaping their lives and being a different sort of person - and some of those fantasies involve being slaves or being dominant. The physical side, I put it this way: imagine having sex with someone who runs their fingers down your back; then they do it harder and start using their nails and it gets a bit painful. It's a continuum from that for people who are into it. The fact that I like a certain amount of pain doesn't mean that it stops hurting when I go to the dentist - it's a different context, it's not eroticised."

Not many people may be aware that BDSM is actually, technically, against the law (part of the News of the World's defence is that Mosley was taking part in a criminal act, because he bled when he was spanked). Or, as Sir Guy puts it: "If someone comes to me because they want a caning, we could be locked up for it. The laws in this country are ludicrous."

The Spanner Trust was set up in 1995 after 16 gay men were sentenced to prison or fined for engaging in consensual S&M activities. "The law established that you can't engage in sexual activity that left marks or bruises or injuries that are 'more than transient or trifling'," says Cohen. "But in the Spanner case, none of the injuries were serious - any cuts or bruises healed within days - and it was all consensual. But you can get in a boxing ring where people can die or suffer severe brain damage, but you can't consent to BDSM. I always say that when sex comes in the door, common sense goes out the window. It's restricting people's right to enjoy their sexuality. BDSM doesn't cause a large amount of injuries because people aren't intending to seriously hurt people, they are intending to have fun. You're not doing it in a hostile way."

Sir Guy says the people he meets who are into BDSM are "very normal, well-adjusted people. They are better company than you'd find at a stamp-collecting society or line-dancing group. They are more articulate, aware and caring than most people I have met. People have found it time and again - if someone goes through a divorce or bankruptcy or difficult time, it's their friends from 'the [BDSM] scene' who rally round." Sounds cosy, really. Apart from the whipping.